August G…uest #9: Just Call Me Martha Stewart, In Another Reality

Please meet lovely Angela @ Hot Mess Memoir

I am so excited to guest blog on Esmé’s blog….about cooking. This is somewhat ironic since my culinary skills are on par with a soldier ripping open an M.R.E. It’s not lost on me that I grew up in an Italian family who owned multiple Italian restaurants for around 25 years. Nor the fact that my father could cook like a boss and I am now a Food Buyer for a food distribution company.

For those of you that don’t know me, allow me to regale you in my first real attempt to make something other than Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (which I have messed up before). I went for quiche. I’ve been to France a few times, speak a little and love all of their fattening dishes so this would be perfect.

I perused the grocery aisles and bought everything I needed. Eggs, cheese, ham, a pre-made pie crust and heavy cream (I think??). I didn’t miss a thing and returned home with the confidence of Julia Child.

The preparation, cooking and presentation were uneventful, it looked just like the quiche I see in the stores. When my husband took a bite, (this was before children, thank goodness) he made a sour face. Distressed by his reaction, I took a bite and followed suit.

“Oh my gosh, what did I do?” I exclaimed, while spitting the bite into my napkin.

My husband just shook his head and thought better than make a comment. Then it dawned on me, that I grabbed the first pie crust I found, which was in the bakery aisle. It would have been amazing had I been baking cheesecake but I wasn’t. I had grabbed a graham cracker pie crust. Obviously I didn’t get the memo on the whole detailed-oriented thing when assembling supplies for a recipe.

My Biggest Cooking Influence

My husband has never been a big fan of my cooking and I really don’t care. I don’t care because I realize what I am up against – his mother’s cooking. To give her street cred, I lovingly refer to her as the Notorious M.I.L, not to be confused with the rapper the Notorious B.I.G. Sorry, I digress.

I’ve come to have a “what are you going to do” mentality because the Notorious M.I.L. uses 3 primary ingredients in a good chunk of her recipes. If I used these on a weekly basis, the fire department would have to cut me out of my bedroom and this would all be documented on the reality show, My 600 Pound Life.

The ingredients the Notorious M.I.L. favors most is:

·         Cream cheese
·         Sour cream
·         Mayonnaise

That being said, I will leave you with one of her amazing, 1 million calorie concoctions that has always been a hit at parties and get-togethers. I did this dip for a girl’s weekend a few weeks ago and they devoured it. It’s pretty idiot proof, hence the reason I’ve had such a success rate. Here it goes:

Vidalia Onion Dip

1 8 oz package of Philly cream cheese
1-2 cups grated Swiss cheese or a 4-8oz pkg shredded Swiss
1 deli (6 oz.) container of shredded parmesan cheese or 1 cup of shaker parmesan cheese
1 cup of “real” mayonnaise
1 large sweet onion, chopped

Mix all above ingredients together and place in oven dish.
Bake at 350 degrees for 30-40 minutes, till baked bubbly and brown.
Serve with any sort of crackers….except graham crackers.
That would be disgusting and I would never do something like that.

Thank you for reading! I hope you’ve enjoyed this! You can follow me on social media at the following links:

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